All in – I want to be a bigshot

The biggest addiction I face present day is the one-arm bandit culprits. There’s something about the feel of the casino that keeps me returning, the thought that maybe they’re pumping fresh oxygen into the gaming room floors air. In order that my tobacco fueled lungs can withstand another hand or pull on the slot arm. I’m addicted, it didn’t happen in one night – so I know it might take many failed attempts to completely surrender.

I wouldn’t be so notoriously hooked into gambling if it wasn’t as escape from reality. I know giving to charity is an option but I love the risk, when I win – I win big. As for losing, it’s never really gotten to bad. I’ve most often always likely balanced my budget on necessities first, and then the rest “Trip to casino.” It’s something to do and I enjoy it. The huge wins I have had keep me returning.

A lot of the time when I gamble I justify that it not hurting my physical health at all. Which is true, drugs and alcohol did that in the past. My substitution into gambling I hope does not last forever.

When I’m at the casino I feel wanted, I feel like so long as I have money to play than everything is perfect. I’m terribly bad at walking away ahead – even if I double up my starting amount in 20 minutes. I’ll just play and play, until zero dollars. Sure mostly everyone will agree I’m not the wisest for these addictive behaviors but sharing is helping me change course.

Enough times I’ve been advised that insanity is repeating the same mistake and expecting different results, but looking back to an earlier post where I explain “I can be comfortable in my discomfort.” Maybe sheds some light onto the subject right now.

Here is a link for books on Amazon about quitting gambling: One is a free audio book

I suppose from what I’ve learned so far part of the disease or addictive nature of gambling is knowing that feeling like “a Big Shot.” is one of the things compulsive gamblers seek out, for that I am guilty. I don’t want to be though I’d much rather be successful enough to spread wealth to unfortunate people. Or feed the homeless. But like I said, I take care of necessities and then I try to have a little fun. The temporary problem just rests in the fact the my idea of “a little fun.” at times could be enough for a weekend getaway.

Well today is different – today I am sober from alcohol/drugs. I’m going to keep going forward in my life, one day at a time. Trying to not make mountains out of molehills. The 4 O’Clock tea I mentioned in this post was amazing.. The solitude and alone time I took to have, not one but three of them really had me feeling like I know I can do better in all areas of life. It is my hope that nobody ever die from addiction.

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